The lack of use of sniffer Badgers in the modern police force.

There are two questions that Raging horse would like to put forward to the modern police force. The first is why everyone who wants to join them has to go insane at their local tanning shop to make them look like a member of so called minority groups. The second revolves around, why after all these years have the police kept the use of dogs in the police force when badgers are a lot more cost effective and are generally doing nothing in their spare time at the time of writing.

 There look cooler, are camouflaged when crossing roads and a damn site more vicious, imagine the confusion when an escaped convict comes across a new police badger wearing the same colours to loll him into a false sense of security.

 They have bigger noses than dogs, so therefore they must be able to train them as better sniffer badgers, than sniffer dogs. They can easily work a night shift without falling asleep (ideal night watch guards).

Permanent Markers-The Smell of Heaven!

 If there’s one thing that convinces this atheist that there might be a god it's the gift of Permanent Markers, or more to the point, the smell of Permanent marker fumes.

 To this point the B-team has yet to come across someone on their travel that doesn’t like the smell of a good fresh permanent marker on a fresh winter morning. We are also yet to find someone who doesn't like to spend the following hour after their marker pen fix, floating with the pixies and singing cumbya ma lord!! With a hippy acoustic and a shit load of flowers (damn my vivid imagination again).

 This has led me-"Raging Horse" to put forward my idea of a new bottled perfume of the stinky stuff for the Ladies out there that want constant attention. The stuff of legends, my new invention is to be called "Stickler for Staedler" and is set to take the world by storm despite being named after a crap German outfit of misfits-please forgive me Churchill if your up there!!! The product is set for release as soon as the B-team comes across a millionaire who likes to get high. If you know any that fancy a dabble give us a shout.

Abortion… Those stem cells aren’t gonna harvest themselves

If you ask a raging, hairy hippie feminist about her views on abortion... you are an idiot. That’s not a can of worms you want to open.

"I didn't mean to put my hand into the wood chipper. It never occurred to me that it would hurt!"

Lucky for us the awesome power of the internet isn't available up trees. Unlucky that leg wax, razor blades and shampoo are also not available. The lack of personal hygiene really makes any potent message delivered in a naked protest laughable when their spokeswoman is "sunshine" the She-ape. I’m going to write it down as 'penis envy' that drives them to it.

 "But what if the child you aborted grew up to be the next daVinci or Beethoven?"

Hat hair, what a pain in the Arsenal!

If there's one thing that the onset of winter brings to the huddling and freezing population of Britain, it's the use of caps, beanies, Stetsons, helmets and other such vehicles of distributing hat hair.

 Hats were originally invented as a way of showing what class of family you were from, but what would happen if midway through the day lord McDougal of Scotland decided to offload the thing. Your left with a Duke looking like a go-faster stripe has been added right round his head therefore ruining his reputation.

 I think hair is weak, it gives in to pressure and forms the shape of a hat no problem, retreats, then I’m pretty sure it's impossible to pursued the damn stuff to rid itself of the line of defence until you give it a nice relaxing wash and dry. A monumental pain in the arse, I’m sure you’ll all agree - Hair is a bit like the French, on the outside it looks alright, then at the least little bit of pressure from a rival army (hats united) it retreats into a big bundle of mess with no structure.

The Magical Mystery of the Pot Noodle Soup (lack of it!!!!)

There are Hundreds of different things that could make the world a better place and one of those is if Golden Wonder would get off their arses and create what could be the next greatest invention since van Gogh created the light bulb. A soup that is identical to the stuff you’re left with at the end of a Pot Noodle. It sits there all thick and rich with it's glad rags on with those colourful herbs and spices, looking you in the eye with a come to Raging horse look on it's face (or is that just me). You can feel the lovely fat striking through your veins. This is what should be known as the eighth wonder of the world.

 Imagine instead of sending a thousand bottles of boring water and a shit load of rice and other stuff everyone over here uses to prop up their broken cupboards to Africa, what better than sending a ton of pot noodle soup mix and a dozen of battery powered kettles. Those kids would be fat in no time and a damn site happier with it. Africans saved by the wonderful wonder soup, yey for the Pot Noodle kids.

Porn… Not as good as it seems.

As a heterosexual and self professed 'manly man' I enjoy my pornography. Since I was a young boy I have had access to pornography through the chance finding of my father’s porn cache to the later discovery of the internet. It’s always been there and despite all the things you read on this website, I still believe I’ve turned out fairly 'well rounded'. I don’t have any weird sexual habits or hang-ups, and I haven’t worn out my penis through extreme hand friction. So as a connoisseur of porn I am campaigning to make it better.

 First of all I’d like to tackle the Issue of woman watching porn. It’s not really an issue. Woman don't watch porn for enjoyment. They watch it with their men, and enjoy it with them, but they don't whip out a copy of 'donkey boys 3' when their bored and start giving themselves a damn good seeing to. It’s a myth. Woman watch porn for research, to see how certain things are done and to find out about new things.

Death Sells

One of the main regrets of people who are struck by disease and illnesses that they are shot down in their prime. That back in the day they wouldn’t have lived this long, but instead they would have died the honourable death in battle. Like a samurai.

So being the great man I am, I have decided to offer a service allowing the diseased, the elderly and the mentally infirm the chance to fight and die an honourable death serving a higher purpose. This purpose will be a cash prize for the winning team that will be distributed among the warrior’s family or friends.

 This event will take place on a large battleground encompassing a few building scattered throughout as well as a town in the middle. Each team will start at opposite ends and slowly make their way to the middle. Think of it as dangerous paintball for the ill and elderly.

Imagine the show when a pale cancer victim summons up the last of his strength to slay the last of the elderly archers using a broadsword, shortly before being slain himself by a yellow man with kidney problems. All the while a man with a crossbow snipes people from the church window.