Fat Birds and their Fat Arses

There’s nothing worse than standing in a bar or club and suddenly realising that there’s a great wobbling tub of lard shaking to "It's Like that, That’s the way it is huuurr"! That big wobbling sack of Macdonald’s almost thinks she looks good in a tight top and a tight pair of trousers. You've got to feel  sorry for that poor pair of jeans fighting the good fight, so that no one has to see what hell actually looks like before their times due. Anyway what’s even worse is that they also look round with a look on their face that’s similar to when an afghan see's a parcel falling from the sky, the look of a wild animal searching for its next victim, and the look of a psycho maniac with AN EATING DISORDER all rolled into one.


You can't resist shouting "ai up lardy av another cream cake" or just laughing in hysterics until she looks round and glares at you (personal experience-that Krazy House girl needs a whale harness), harpoon that whale you shout!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAhhhhhhh were losing the battle, the smell is overwhelming, your praying for a lynx van to crash straight head on into her, and then your prayers are answered. 2-o-clock comes and a thin bored headed guy karts her off as a last resort!!!!! Yey for desperate people!!!!!!!!!!

Rugby-A Sporting Disaster!

I’m just going to get right into this one. Is there really anything’s shitter than Rugby? Where a load of fat Basterdo's run up and down a piece of grass and jump at a load of white lines with a pound shop football!

I have a theory, Rugby originated from one fat man sitting on a football for, err a couple of days, then realising that all it was useful for was booting in the air!! Then the kids whose football it was ran after him cursing him with profanities a plenty, the fat man fell over on a white line, they all piled on and kicked the crap out of him, and yippee we have the new worst sport in the world today.

I just can't see the point of this one, and the situation was made worse when yet again the Americans copied it!! American Football-Rugby but with a big arse head Helmut cause they can’t take the pain!!

Disabled… The Toilet of Champions

I'm a lazy man of convenience. I can admit it. I don't believe in doing things the hard way. If there is an easy way of doing things, that’s what I’ll be doing. Which is probably why I found myself in the disabled toilets in uni, 'cause damn those disabled people have it easy. Everything’s convenient, which is why I use their parking spaces, and why I was using their toilet.

 What I don't get though, is why disabled toilets have toilet seats... As far as I can tell, that small lid is for men to lift so they don't pee all over the seat. Never works, but it's a good idea. I can understand why they have toilet seats in woman’s toilets, as its stupid not to use the same toilets, when buying in bulk is cheaper. But all the disabled I’ve looked at have thicker bases because the people have to wrestle themselves onto the seat, an ordinary toilet may not withstand the strain. There are only two ways I can think of for disabled people to do their "Business" that would require the seat to be up: